Is Positive Thinking Healthy or Toxic?
@alexandriacrowyoga recently posted a conversation starter on Instagram saying that the terms “love and light” and “manifesting peace and happiness” is a type of toxic positivity that gaslights or shames those that struggle to stay positive. This perspective makes an important point about positive thinking potentially being a form of spiritual bypassing, but it’s not the whole picture.
Having a positive spin on life is not necessarily a bad thing. When adversity strikes, focusing on the silver lining offers a valuable coping mechanism to move forward. When positive thinking is used to avoid facing our fears or shutting down difficult emotions, it becomes toxic.
What happens when you bring your grief, insecurities or self-doubt to someone not equipped to hold this space? Often your confidant will try to cheer you up, remind you to be “grateful for what you have,” or offer unsolicited advice. How does that feel? Like they have no idea what they are talking about, right?
In yoga spaces, this is where the words such as “peace, joy, love and light,” are patronising — because you haven’t been heard or acknowledged. This is where yogis get a bad reputation as being completely out of touch with reality. Unfortunately, this type of response, however well intentioned, dismisses and shuts a conversation down, leaving people confused, shamed and abandoned.
Modern yoga teachers are not masters of their minds. Not yet anyway. Too much emphasis on yoga education today is on how your body looks. As your energies shift through asana practice, stuff comes up. Yoga is a journey through your body, into your internal world — where most of the work lies. Most yoga teachers are not equipped to hold space for students’ darkness. Not until you’ve walked through your own darkness, can you guide others through it.
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Taking a negative thought and replacing it with a positive one is a classic teaching of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali called Pratipaksha Bhavanam. Positive thinking is largely misunderstood — it does not mean suppressing negativity. It means getting real with yourself and understanding the message that depression, insecurity and fear are giving you.
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Dr. Gabor Maté says it perfectly, “Genuine positive thinking begins by including all our reality. It is guided by the confidence that we can trust ourselves to face the full truth whatever the full truth may turn out to be… Negative thinking is not a doleful, pessimistic view that masquerades as “realism.” Rather, it is a willingness to consider what is not working. What is not in balance? What have I ignored? What is my body saying no to?”
Reflecting on your past mistakes is crucial. This is another benefit of sitting with your negativity. You take accountability for your state of mind, regardless of whether anyone or anything is at fault.
This is where the positivity comes in. All things teach you something — how you do want to be or how you do NOT want to be. The rest is your choice. By understanding your negative thought, rooting it out and truly giving words to it, you can see the opportunity make a positive choice:
What’s the lesson I have learned?
Do I want a repeat experience of this? If not, what do I need to change?
Am I avoiding confrontation? Do I need to set a boundary?
Why do I care so much what other people think of me, when I’m miserable?
Who am I and what do I really want?
It takes great courage to be real with yourself.
The positivity comes in when you call upon your inner-strengths to make a bold choice — one that takes you through the muck, over to the other side.
As the late Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh said, “No mud. No lotus.”