Celebrating International Women’s Day

We all have that one relative who will make a comment on your body or your appearance the moment you walk into a room. All the confidence and self-worth you may have gets sucked out of you like a Dementor sucking your soul. 

You’re judged by how you look. Your worth and value is amounted to how you look. No matter how successful you are in your career, or how many glass ceilings you’ve shattered, or how far you have come in your journey to self-healing, you’re forced to regard your body in a negative way. 

I remember flying halfway around the world to visit my ageing grandfather who is well into his 90s. The first thing he said to me was, “You’ve become fat.” I laughed it off, said to him, “Well, I look just like my mom,” (his daughter) “and I think she’s the most beautiful woman in the world!” 

I walked away feeling sad though. Like in some weird way, I did something wrong. All the joy of coming to see him vanished, and frankly it set the wrong tone for the rest of the visit. Something I was determined to change, and I did. For both of our sake.

The unrealistic beauty standards have created a bias which keeps people narrow-minded on body image. In honour of International Women’s Day and #breakthebias, I’d like to offer ways to shift the narrative around body image, unrealistic beauty standards and embracing true health and wellbeing:

respect your body’s life journey

No matter what you looked like in your childhood, teens, young adulthood and beyond, your body has been through an whole lot: injury, sickness, trauma, child-birth, chronic illness, substance abuse, and/or self-harming. Your body copes, heals, adapts and continues to carry you through this life in spite of all you have put it through. 

Offer it a big, “THANK YOU!”

Your body changes as your life does. As I age into my 40s, my body has shifted. Despite my best efforts of eating a plant-based diet and exercising regularly, I’m still larger than both my sisters. I don’t smoke nor do I drink excessively, and yet I weigh much more than them. Here’s the thing: I’m the only one on my side of the family who isn’t on cholesterol medication. 

Respect! 

I look like an Amazonian hero instead of a ballerina. 

Respect! 

My husband thinks I’m gorgeous!

Respect! 

Practice positive comebacks for relatives that make comments about you or anyone else.

If it’s too difficult to ignore, then have a handful of comebacks ready to go. This may sound like what a middle schooler would say, but I cannot tell you how valuable having these one-liners committed to memory have saved my peace of mind (and the offenders from being yelled at):

Positive comebacks for comments about being too fat/skinny:

Embrace a more dynamic definition of beauty.

Trap unwanted thoughts and negative patterns about beauty and turn them around quickly. Swap out who you follow on social media, and started getting fashion advice from confident women who look like you. For me, I followed celebrities with curves and strength. I discovered styles and practices I felt comfortable and confident in, which allowed me to get on with the best parts of my life that I love. 

Realise when it comes to appreciating beauty, the experience of connecting with others is what shines through. Showcase important aspects of your life that are beautiful, such as the way you think, your sincerity, personality and more.  Your personal strengths are what makes you the awesome person that you are.

Children’s author Roald Dahl said it best in his book The Twits, “A person who has good thoughts can never be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

Think of the next generation

Be the example of the type of wise women you wish you had as a role model growing up. It’s time to break the ridiculous chain of pain. Own your beauty and be confident. Even if you have to pretend to believe it, someone may be looking up to you, and feel better about themselves because of your example. 

Stick up for those younger generation of women who are likely to be receiving the same comments from your older relatives. I remember a family gathering where one of my younger cousins had returned home from university. She was looking so happy and ready to share about how much she had evolved during her first year of independence. Right on cue, an older relative, known for making body-shaming comments came up to her and delivered her one-lined punch. I challenged her and said, “Why would you ask her that? She’s come from university. There are more important things to talk about like her subjects, her new friends, and the places she’s visited.” Not knowing what else to say, she walked away. My cousin hugged me tightly.

If you teach yoga, all the more reason to openly show respect for your body and others. Complement your fellow women on the parts of their lives that make them unique and amazing.  Be bold and brave and build up your community.

Don’t let your body or your offenders take up precious mental real estate

Body neutrality — what a beautiful term. Going one step further than body positivity, your mindset and attention shifts to your whole life, your career, your passion projects, your friends, the causes you care about, and the experiences you have had. 

If someone else is body obsessed, that’s their mind stuff to deal with, not yours. Try not to blame or hate on the offenders. I’m certain that the women from generations past were valued only on looks, and had to adjust accordingly to feel an ounce of self-worth. My grandfather too, he was single-handedly responsible for arranging the marriages of his seven older sisters. It was what he knew back then. I used my visit to break down the barriers and share with him all about how independent women were these days. He understood and respected this and it ended up being such a lovely trip.

Remember, when you die, no one will comment about the cellulite on your butt. People will remember you for what you did with your life, what contributions you made, how you made others feel, and so much more. 

Celebrating International Women’s Day, I wanted to take a moment to celebrate all women and their journeys to wholeness and healing. 

You are beautiful, powerful and deserving of wellbeing and inner-peace!

Happy International Women’s Day

#breakthebias #choosetochallenge #iamwoman